"I used to be an outlier, but now, with this war, there are so many children who never knew their fathers," Avichai Ayubi told The Jerusalem Post in a conversation about his father, Efraim, who was murdered by terrorists near Hebron in 1993.
Avichai was born five months after his father's death. But that is not to say his father's presence has not played an important role in his life. He spoke to the Post on the eve of Remembrance Day about his father's legacy.
Efraim Ayubi grew up in moshav Zrahia, near Kiryat Malachi and Merkaz Shapira. That moshav comprised mainly people who immigrated from Iran. Efraim's parents spoke Persian at home. Around the time of Efraim's army service, he met Rabbi Haim Druckman, the spiritual leader of Religious Zionism and Bnei Akiva (until his death 3 years ago). Efraim became the Rabbi’s personal driver.
"He did it because he deeply loved the values the Rabbi stood for: how important the Land of Israel and the People of Israel were," Avichai told the Post.
When Efraim met his wife, Yemima, he decided he wanted to farm the Land of Israel itself, and the couple moved to Gush Katif in the Gaza Strip and established the settlement of Kfar Darom.
Efraim continued working for Rabbi Druckman but had to start his workday an hour and a half early because Rabbi Druckman lived in Merkaz Shapira.
"If the Rabbi started his day at 6:00 AM, my father started at 4:30 AM after prayers to get there on time," Avichai explained.
On the morning of 7 November 1993, Efraim drove early to start the day with the Rabbi. At 8:00 AM, after putting the kids in kindergarten, Avichai's mother was hanging laundry and listening to the news. She heard that terrorists had shot at Rabbi Druckman’s car. She heard that the Rabbi was wounded and his driver was murdered.
"That is how she learned that her husband, her love, the father of her children, the man she dreamed of a life with, had been killed. She was pregnant." Hamas took responsibility for the killing.
Efraim was 30 at the time of his death, and his wife was 28. The couple already had four children under 5.
'You need to be your own life.'
"Five months later, I was born. My mother says that throughout the pregnancy, she was 'on the floor': she sat on the floor constantly, and there was no one to pick her up. But before I was born, she decided, 'Okay, another child is coming who deserves a life. He needs to grow, and we need to start a new life.' My father’s name was Efraim, so she named me Efraim Avichai, but with the intent that she would only call me Avichai. She said, 'You don't need to be your father’s tombstone. You need to be your own life.'"
Avichai described his childhood as extremely happy and fulfilled. His mother raised the five children, remarried, and had more children. All of Efraim's children got married and built homes in Israel. Efraim now has 19 grandchildren - none of whom he was ever able to meet. Avichai himself has four children.
"Today in Israel, there are so many children like me," Avichai told the Post. "I used to be an outlier, but now, in this war, there are so many children who never knew their fathers." There are an estimated 35,000 orphans in Israel (children who have lost one or both their parents before the age of 18).
When Avichai was in high school, if he heard about a terror attack where a widow was left pregnant, he would hitchhike to the Shiva.
"Not to tell them 'everything will be fine,' but just to give a hug and say, 'There is a way forward. It’s a long road, it’s not simple, but life is great, and the People and Land of Israel are part of that.'"
'Life moves on' is an important concept to Avichai and his father before him.
He relayed a story from a month and a half before his father was killed, when the Rabbi of their settlement was also murdered.
"A TV reporter saw my father building his garden and asked him, 'Efraim, what are you doing? Your Rabbi was just murdered, don't you think about your children? Don't you think about leaving?' My father said, 'No way. Why leave? So what if it’s dangerous? The People of Israel have always had crises, but look: the Land is beautiful and blooming, and we are here.' The reporter asked, 'At any price?' and my father said, 'Yes, at any price. We are here for the People of Israel. Life in Israel is not always nice or easy, but you have to see that while there is evil and complexity, there is also goodness and progress.'"
"That is the only recording I have of my father’s voice."
At Avichai's Brit Milah, Rabbi Druckman said the phrase 'By thy blood, live,' symbolizing that life often comes through suffering. Then, when Avichai got married, Rabbi Druckman performed the ceremony. He told Avichai, "At your Brit, I also said 'May God raise him,'" a blessing that means God will raise the child for his father and mother.
Avichai told the Post that he often thinks about the children growing up today without fathers.
"We need to exert ourselves for them. The Jewish people are very diverse, and we have many things to argue about. But our arguments must have one goal: the good of the People of Israel. Whether we argue about living in Gush Katif or not, the argument is okay as long as we know why we are arguing: to make this a better, safer place for all Jews."
"Life is happening now. It is beautiful and happy, even with the tears. In Israel, we have Remembrance Day, and the very next day is Independence Day. Every morning, you have to choose: Is today Remembrance Day, where I am broken? Or is today Independence Day, where I build the state and connect communities?"
"Today, we build. Today, we look forward."
